By Lizzy Bean, whose son Freddie was born with a catastrophic brain injury
1. Losing a child is an event so huge that life is reset. There is a before and an after, and the two lives involve different versions of yourself which you have to learn to bridge. Five years on and I’m still coming to terms with the new me.
2. The individual experience of child loss can be horribly lonely. Mothers can grieve differently to fathers. Friends and family often don’t know what to say. I learnt that I had to be pro-active in reaching out for help. Peer support was and is, absolutely vital.
3. Trying to be resilient is not always helpful. The problem with being brave is that it bandages over a deep wound. In some ways there is nothing braver than to show your vulnerability. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow.
4. Supporting my other children through their grief is hard. Children deal with loss in an entirely different way, which can be disorientating, beautiful, heartbreaking, awe-inspiring and scary. It also makes me feel guilt every single day that they had to experience such enormous pain.
5. When you rejoin the real world after loss, you can’t believe it keeps spinning. Life continues even when it seems impossible. I never thought I could get through the loss of my son, nor be able to celebrate New Year’s Eve ever again, but somehow we survived and we managed to find joy. Our survival and happiness is the greatest way of honouring Freddie.
About Lizzy Bean
Lizzy Bean is a mum of four children (three earth side) and a community engagement specialist for end of life services. Her son Freddie was born after she suffered a haemorrhage in late pregnancy and he suffered a catastrophic brain injury. His life support was turned off three days later and he died at midnight on New Year’s Eve.
