By Annabel Chown, who was diagnosed with breast cancer at 31
1. Everything Is Still Possible
‘What if I never have the chance to fall in love again?’ shot into my mind when I was told I had cancer. I was thirty-one, and in that moment, all the dreams I had for my life – including marriage and children – were shattered. Eighteen years on, my life is richer than ever, and I have my wonderful husband and our little boy.
2. The Right Man Will Love You, Regardless
During chemo, I put dating on the back-burner. But on a rare night out, I got asked out by a gorgeous guy. After a few dates, I told him I had cancer. His interest waned, and I became wary as to how men would react, especially about cancer on a part of my body that was supposed to be sexy. Two months into my relationship with Mark, now my husband, I had a cancer scare. He was unwavering in his support. ‘Whatever happens, I’m sticking around,’ he said. ‘I’m falling in love.’
3. You Are Not Damaged Goods
At first, I was acutely conscious of the 10cm scar slashed across my left breast, and saw myself as damaged goods. With time, I recognised that rather than desecrate me, cancer reshaped me in positive ways too, making me more courageous, more grateful and more empathetic. It’s akin to the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi, where shattered pieces of pottery are pieced back together with gold, to celebrate their so-called flaws and imperfections, and create a stronger, more beautiful vessel.
4. The Word Cancer Isn’t Stamped Across Your Forehead
When my hair fell out and I started wearing a wig, I was convinced everyone would guess. Instead, acquaintances complimented me on my ‘great new haircut’. Later, when I started to have relationships again, I was sure my scar would be the first thing a boyfriend clocked about my body. But no-one ever asked. Mark didn’t even notice it until I told him. Often, what we see through a magnifying glass, others don’t even register.
5. Tell Someone in Your Own Time
There’s no right or wrong time to tell someone. Cancer was such a huge thing to go through, so a part of me felt I ought to tell a guy right at the start. The truth is, cancer is only one of the many layers that make us who we are. Everyone carries their own stories of loss, disappointment and suffering, and it’s a very personal choice as to when it feels appropriate to share these with someone.
About Annabel Chown
Annabel is the author of Hidden: Young, Single, Cancer, a memoir about going through breast cancer while young and single. She was born in London and read Architecture at Cambridge University. She worked as an architect in London and Berlin. Then, at thirty-one, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She started making notes while going through treatment and discovered a passion for writing. Her writing about breast cancer has been published in The Daily Telegraph and Red magazine. Annabel is also a yoga teacher and currently teaches yoga at Triyoga in London. She loves cities, particularly London, and food, and lives in London with her husband and young son.
You can follow Annabel on Instagram and buy her book, Hidden: Young, Single, Cancer, here.
www.annabelchown.com
