By Ellie Frullini, who is living with a diagnosis of Stage 4 Incurable Metastatic Breast Cancer
1. The second you hear the words ‘incurable’, a grieving process begins - for your life as you knew it, and your future as you saw it. You grieve for yourself and everything and everyone you will lose, but you also grieve on behalf of those closest to you, who you know need and love you. It can hit you unexpectedly, in a terrifying wave. This grief will be here until the end.
2. Time and how you spend it becomes the most motivating factor in your life. An overwhelming drive to do everything you ever dreamed of, for yourself and with your loved ones, is your main focus! This is all about creating memories, living in moments. An awakening occurs, with the supreme realisation that time is so very precious.
3. You’re going to die. Probably earlier than you ever imagined and you have to face this. What will dying feel like?! Where & how will it happen?! Your funeral, wishes, plans for your children. Do your life admin. You will wonder, ‘Is there life beyond my death?!’ You need to think about your mortality and get to a stage where you can accept it.
4. Hope... is everything. Without it you have nothing and this will keep you afloat whilst everything else tries to weigh you down. Hope that there will be a cure; hope that you will have much longer than the two to five year median life expectancy. All of a sudden, you understand every motivating or meaningful quote that was ever written and why. They become your mantras.
5. Laughter is honestly the best medicine! Without your sense of humour, this dying malarkey can, at times, be pretty gloomy. Finding humour in the darkest of moments is a true strength and I believe, will keep you alive a little longer! At my funeral I want there to be some fun and laughter. A reminder to everyone of what life was all about to me. The opening reading will begin with: ‘Ellie chose to be cremated, as she saw it as her last opportunity to look smoking hot!’
About Ellie Frullini
Ellie is 43 years old and lives with her husband Joe and son Elliott (three and a half) in West Sussex. In 2007, when she had just turned 31, Ellie was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer and underwent a lumpectomy and lymph node removal, chemotherapy, radiotherapy and five years of Tamoxifen. Ellie remained in remission for 11 years during which time she had her son and got married. Her Stage 4 Incurable Metastatic Breast Cancer diagnosis was confirmed two weeks before her wedding in August 2018. Despite being on treatment for life and living with the side effects, Ellie is living and loving her life to the full! She works, holidays, parents, parties and takes things day by day. Ellie tries to focus on living in the moment & is so grateful for her wonderful family, amazing friends and supportive workplace.
You can follow Ellie on her Instagram, @ellie_frullini.
