By Helen CB, who lost her dad and then her mum, seven months later
1. I have watched one parent slowly deteriorate over many years and I have wished one an amazing two week holiday never to see her again. Surviving both experiences was equally excruciating.
2. My initial relief that my dad was no longer in pain and free lasted about a week. I then selfishly wanted him back as I missed him so desperately.
3. I feel guilty that I did not properly grieve for my dad as the horrendous trauma of losing my precious mum the way we did meant I struggled to put one foot in front of the other for the greater part of a year. I hope he understands that I miss him so much but losing mum was so brutal it rocked me to my core.
4. I was not going to brush over the devastation this deep loss had on me just to spare someone’s feelings. If someone was polite enough to ask how I was, I let them know that I had only cried three times that day. I owed my parents the truth of what their absence meant to me. I discovered that most people were completely okay with that.
5. The cavern of emptiness I feel from their absence is due to the fortunate blessing I was given to be born into their family. This thought does not lessen the pain but allows me to pick myself up, lift my head and move forward as their daughter.
About Helen CB
”My dad was my rock, my moral compass. Watching him deteriorate as Parkinson’s and Dementia took hold led me to experience a great deal of trauma over a number of years. Seven months after my dad died, my mum (my best friend and confidante) went on a holiday of a lifetime and never came back.”
You can contact Helen on Instagram, @happy_clap
