By Rachel, who has written a book about her experiences as a young cancer wife and widow
You can never prepare for the unknown. Because everyone’s experience is different, we will each need to navigate the journey in the most sensical ways to us. In my book I tell my story with guidance and suggestions, while also knowing that this experience is only mine, but that nuggets and parts may be very applicable to others.
Arming yourself with knowledge and resources is very powerful. When I was in the thick of it from 2011 - 2015, there were not as many groups, websites and resources out there. I wrote my book as a personal love story memoir with my narrative, but also as a toolbox to help others navigate the choppy waters of a patient/caregiver/supporter experience. I have my original CaringBridge, Facebook and later Instagram posts in chronological order with my journey and walk you through financial, medical and life needs and services when I was going through them myself. Knowing how someone has done it, and done it successfully is powerful!
You are NOT alone. When you’re in the middle of the crisis or catastrophic illness, it’s very easy to feel isolated and alone as it’s most likely those in your support network have not been where you are. The good news is - you’re NOT alone. Many people have been there, are there and will be. I believe you can do this. Adequate resources and support can change your world!
Learning to ask for help is very important. It’s not always easy and doesn’t always feel good. We’re somehow programmed to believe that we should be doing everything ourselves but that’s not reality. Confiding in a friend or two or a family member is vital for survival when you’re going through really tough things. Even better if you can have a counselor or therapist to talk to for check-ins. In my book, I list tangible ways people can help you when they’re asking how can they help. Use people’s gifts in ways that allow them to feel like they are doing something to help you, while you’re also receiving help that you may not even know that you need. It’s more than likely but in the future they will need your help as well.
Time and humor are life’s bread and butter. We all need time to process, get used to the changes that are thrown at us and to work on adapting. Knowing that it’s okay to make mistakes, to make fun of yourself and have a laugh (or a cry) at how unjust some things can be, can be healing. I watched a ton of sitcoms and found myself belly laughing despite the horrific hand I’d been dealt. Laughing and humor lit me up inside like the warm sun at times, when everything else felt dreary and gray. That led me to see more sun peaking through the clouds each days as time passed on.
About Rachel Engstrom
Rachel Engstrom M.S.W., C.H.E.S has written a groundbreaking memoir/self-book on her experience as a young cancer wife then widow. With the increasing number of young women and men becoming widows/widowers due to not only cancer and serious illnesses, but also now COVID-19, this resource is needed more now than ever. Rachel shares her journey in a raw and honest way, while providing step-by-step resources to help you navigate your own journey. Never before has there been a combination of the personal grit of the healthcare journey, along with steps on how to navigate treatment, diagnosis, the ins and outs of hospital life, employment, finances, insurance, self-care, grief and loss and much more. You can find “Wife, Widow, Now What? How I Navigated the Cancer World and How You Can Too,” here.
Rachel continues to write via blogs and articles for cancer and caregiver organizations, please contact her directly for further information.
You can follow Rachel on Instagram, @wifewidownowwhat
