By Dr Jo Elverson, whose husband works in international disaster relief
1. Everyone’s contribution is valuable. It is very tempting to compare ourselves with others but remember that everyone has a part to play. Whether that is finding ways to do your own work while juggling the challenges of videoconferencing or childcare; whether it is volunteering to help out in the many community initiatives that have sprung up to support people who are isolated or vulnerable; or whether it is carefully self-isolating when you or your family are unwell to reduce the risk of infecting others. It is all significant in the fight against COVID-19.
2. Keeping yourself well is part of helping. This seems obvious but in a crisis we need to consciously make sure that we are caring for our physical and emotional health. In the current situation, following the guidance to avoid becoming infected is also a crucial part of self-care and protecting the people around you; but you also need to find the things that work for you to keep you body and mind healthy.
3. It’s normal to feel a mix of emotions. Depending on your situation you may have a kaleidoscope of emotions at any one time. For some it may be the anxiety of a loved one walking into the path of danger, mixed with pride at their selflessness, but there may also be frustration, jealousy, excitement, fear and many more feelings. Find the things that help bring you balance and rest when you need them, and if the feelings do become overwhelming talk to someone and seek help.
4. Manage your expectations of yourself. When my husband first went away in response to a disaster, I expected that everything would continue as normal. I was surprised by how tired, preoccupied and irritable I was at times, and how much harder it was to get things done. I’ve learned to accept that “good enough” and “getting by” is OK. With the children I’ve learned to say sorry (a lot) and to be honest with them about the things I’m finding hard; and I’m still working on being a bit gentler with myself!
5. Make back up plans and know your support structure. I can’t emphasise this enough. Have conversations with your loved ones about the practical arrangements that you need to have in place if you or they become unwell. Who depends on you for support? Who can step in to help? What else do you need to have in place? But also have conversations about dying: are there any treatments you wouldn’t want if you were to become sick enough to die? What would your preferences and priorities be? These conversations aren’t easy, but knowing what someone wants in advance can be hugely reassuring.
About Dr Jo Elverson
Dr Jo Elverson is a Consultant in Palliative Medicine at St Oswald’s Hospice, Newcastle. As her husband works in international disaster relief, she has experienced being the one left at home while he goes on deployment. You can follow her on Twitter, @ElversonJo.
