By Poppy, whose dad died when she was 28
1. Their name isn’t a dirty word
I was anxious about mentioning dad to new people or that saying his name would make me cry. I worried that if I mentioned him people would feel uncomfortable. After 5 years I have learnt to take pride in saying his name and taking about him on the days when I feel strong enough.
2. It’s not always the people you expect..
Sometimes those closest to you struggle with who you become after a great loss. They want the old you back. People you know less well can really surprise you with unwavering support. People you’ve just met can turn out to be long term heroes in your grief journey.
3. It’s ok to be in shock or denial for long periods of time
I really believe our body lets the pain of loss in gradually, to protect us. The surreal feeling of it not being real is still with me after 5 years. I know dad is gone but still can’t quite believe it in my bones.
4. Love doesn’t end when their life does
I started grieving when dad was diagnosed terminal. My grief was painful and erratic in those first years. I now see my grief as a gesture of love for my dad. I don’t need to hide or fix it. I can still love him without him physically here. I can feel his presence with me and I cherish it.
5. Create rituals that celebrate them
My favourite griefy memories in the past years have been writing to my dad, singing his favourite songs at the top of my lungs, or asking his friends and family for unseen photos and stories so I can indulge in his memory. Sometimes he feels so far away and with these rituals I get the chance to reconnect and remember.
About Poppy Chancellor
"My name is Poppy and I lost my dad when I was 28. He was given three months to live after discovering he had bowel cancer that had spread to his liver and lungs. My dad refused treatment and lived for another two very special years. My dad was a punk poet and always wanted to do things his own way. He wanted to die how he'd lived, without anyone telling him what to do. We thought each Christmas, each birthday was our last, but he just kept going. It was a beautiful and extremely painful time for those close to him. I have used my illustration work as an outlet to express my grief alongside hosting monthly meet ups over at my project, @thegriefcase. It's beautiful to see how much we loved and still love those who are no longer with us."
