My name is Samantha and I'm writing this on the day of the one year anniversary of my mom's passing. My mother was the light of my life and my soul mate. She came on holiday to visit me and died in my bed a few weeks later. From the day we found out she had cancer to when she passed away was nine days. My heart was broken and I was totally devastated. This is what I've learned in the last year of living without her.
1. Grief doesn't end, we just try to live with it
I will never feel better that my precious Mom died. I will never love her less or miss her less or ache or long or yearn to see her again. I will never be 'over it' or 'move on.' All I can try to do is live with it. Some days I manage a little better than others.
2. My view and experience of life is forever changed
When you lose the closest person to you, who also happens to be your mother, with barely a few days to understand that she is dying, it changes you forever. You lose your innocence and trust in life. That everything will be ok, that bad things happen to other people and that you can rely on the basic premise that you'll wake up and your mom will be there.
3. Grief is so lonely
Even if you have people around you (and don't get me started on those that don't show up for you) you will feel a deep sense of loneliness. No one can truly understand how and what you feel. The world carries on and leaves you behind.
4. It takes courage and strength to carry on
When life feels utterly meaningless and stretches ahead with the gaping crater in the shape of your loved one and the pain feels overwhelming and the sadness swallows you up, it takes immense courage to keep going. Grieving people are the strongest people I know - I never used to know that.
5. Love lives longer than life
My love for my mother deepens and grows every day. She will always be by my side and in heart. Even when she feels far away, even when I cannot bear the physical separation, even when a year feels like a lifetime ago, love never dies. It doesn't.
