By Julia Lumley, whose brother died whilst running a half marathon on his 31st birthday
1. Grief can make you feel at your weakest but also give you strength that you never thought you had. It’s unfair that more bad stuff should happen to you after such a tragedy but no matter what it is, although still painful and tough it will always be insignificant to your loss and you will be able to deal with it. Being positive and having an amazingly positive family has made the difference between breaking and being strong enough to carry on.
Julia’s brother, Alan.
2. Birthdays should always be celebrated because you never know when you'll have your last one. Don't go to work. Do something that you love with the people that you love.
3. The funeral isn't the hardest part. In fact because you are so numb it's arguably much easier. People are there to support you. To send flowers and cards. You are able to talk openly about the person you've lost. Weeks, months, years later it's only the very few that still ask how you are or remember the date your world fell apart. People are scared to bring Alan up in conversation or even mention his name and that hurts the most. We don't know how to speak openly about grief. I was guilty of it too before I had to join the club that no-one wants to join. I now understand how much the little things - a text message or sharing a memory of the person you've lost - can mean so much.
4. I have always been an overthinker but after losing my brother so suddenly I have developed what we call "worst case scenario syndrome". I am very quick to think that the worst has happened. Even an unread WhatsApp message can bring fear into my heart and start my imagination running wild with what bad things could have happened. When you lose someone so suddenly and without warning anything is possible.
5. I never wanted to be an only child. I loved having a protective older brother, although I maybe didn't always show it. This year I will be one year older than my big brother was when he died and that feels very strange and really unfair but I am still determined, no matter what else life throws at me to live all the years I get that he didn’t to the very fullest.
About Julia Lumley
”Alan collapsed whilst running the Wilmslow half marathon on 3rd April 2016 - his 31st birthday. We still don't have answers to why this happened but it is believed to be SADS (Sudden Adult Death Syndrome). It is thought that around 12 young, fit and healthy people die from SADS every week. Alan was truly one of the nicest and most genuine guys you could hope to know. Although he was still my annoying older brother, I couldn't be more proud to be his little sister. We all miss him very much.”
