By Katy Christopher, whose sister Sophie Christopher died from a pulmonary embolism caused by DVT in June 2019
I’ve written just a few of the things I’ve learned about grief having lost my big sister, Sophie, who was 28 years old, in June this year. She died in shocking circumstances, from a pulmonary embolism caused by DVT.
Sophie worked in the publishing industry and her death has shocked authors, publicists and editors alike. She was loved by many. She had recently founded an organisation called The Flip, female leadership in publishing, which focused on sharing female success in the industry.
1. There will be signs everywhere. I am a cynic. I do not believe in signs. And yet. The robin sat next to the dog on a slow walk, the untuned radio blaring ‘God Only Knows’ in times of need, the fox sitting closely watching the sunset with us at Sophie’s wake. I believe in moments in which those feeling the loss of Sophie have found great comfort. I believe in feeling close to Sophie when you need to feel her warmth or support most and often that is in a well-timed song, power cut or rainbow.
2. The loss of a sibling, a big sister will shock the very foundations of your being. Sophie taught me so much about what it is to be a good person, she introduced me to the sugary buzz of my first alcopop, she hid my mistakes from parents and shared my successes with everyone she met. The question of how I will go on without her steady guidance still leaves me reaching outward.
3. There is no preparation for the immediacy of death. The all-encompassing pain and unrelenting confusion which peppers the first few days. You will get through it by a sheer force within that you didn’t know existed.
4. Cheryl Strayed writes some things about grief which will make you feel understood and not alone. Read them. One of the best is “My grief is tremendous but my love is bigger.”
5. If your 28 year old sister dies, you are allowed to run on the golf course at her wake through the sprinklers to remind yourself that you are alive. You must sing Aretha and Abba until you are chucked out. Ending the wake on a conga around the venue is completely appropriate.
6. Your support network is about to show off just how solid and giving it can be. My friends became my life line, my partner became my carer, my family became my comfort. In the first few days and weeks and months I had people wash my hair, hold my body tightly together when I felt that I may fall apart as I wailed and they sat in quiet grief with me.
7. To do the things that remind you of your loved one will hurt but you must do them. I forced myself to cook meals to share with my friends and family, get lost in books in the afternoon heat and walk the dog that we shared. To do these things is complete agony but to not do them is a pain of a worse kind.
8. In death, you can find hope. I am hopeful that I live a life Sophie would be proud to see me live. I hope I am able to help and empathise with others more deeply in their time of need. I hope that the love and compassion she had shines like a beam of light down our family tree for generations.
About Katy Christopher
Katy’s sister, Sophie Christopher, died from a pulmonary from a pulmonary embolism caused by DVT on Monday 3rd June 2019. Sophie worked in publishing and was the founder of The FLIP (Female Leadership in Publishing). You can read more about Sophie here.
You can follow Katy on Instagram and Twitter.
