By Leona Holden-Milner, whose mum died from secondary breast cancer in August 2019
1. Anticipatory grief is a thing, a huge thing. I believe this is massively overlooked. ‘Make these moments count’, ‘at least she is still here’ and ‘spend quality time together' - all whilst you're trying to wrap your head around the fact in the next 12 months you will be motherless. If anything, this grief was harder to cope with.
2. During Mum’s illness and after her passing I took time off work, a lot of time. And I would urge people to do the same. I was there every single day for my mum, nursing her, having the difficult conversations, crying, and discussing her wishes. I'm so glad I did this and don't have any regrets.
3. Grief makes you realise who is important and adds value to your life. You stop caring about those who don't. It's almost an awakening, an understanding of what matters.
4. I am so thankful for the support off strangers on the internet going through the same thing. I find it helps me to share my thoughts and feelings with these people who know how I am feeling and validate it. Grief can be incredibly lonely even in a room full of people, even when surrounded by family and friends.
5. You are reminded of your loved one constantly. A smell of perfume, a laugh similar to hers, clothes she would have loved in her favourite stores. It's painful but it happens every single day. And I believe it will continue to happen forever.
About Leona Holden-Milner
”My mum was diagnosed with Triple negative breast cancer in 2017, receiving the all clear early 2018. My world was turned upside down when we received the news it had spread to the lungs and brain in November 2018. My mum died on the 9th August 2019 at home at the age of 52. I'm now trying to navigate the rest of my 30s as a motherless daughter. I find comfort in sharing my experience and helping others.”
