Jess’ son Noah was born at 23 weeks gestation and lived for 17 hours.
I learned that it is always better to call your doctor and find nothing wrong than to wait. They have heard and seen it all before. Don’t ever feel embarrassed for calling day or night, with any little question.
I learned that systems are slow to update. I received a phone call while still in the hospital asking if I was breast or bottle-feeding my baby. We received a social security card for Noah, “welcome baby” emails from our health insurance, and claimed him as a dependent on our taxes. All of these things felt like extra sharp digs while we attempted to heal.
I learned that there isn’t a space in most hospitals that is wholly for bereaved parents. We were placed in a room at the end of the well baby hall. We could hear babies cry and watch new families happily leave together.
I learned that the dads are often forgotten. The attention is focused on the moms healing from the physical pain of giving birth or experiencing loss. Friends and family tend to use the dad as a means to gather information on the mom or baby. We need to remember that the dads are grieving, too.
I learned that it does get better. I know it is a cliche thing to say, but I'm not sure how else to say it. Stay in bed as long as you want. Shower only when you feel like it. Eat brownies for breakfast. But there will be a day when you want to get out of bed, when you want to make that bed, and when you maybe feel like taking a walk. Maybe that all comes from the support of medication and therapy, but who cares! That is the start and then you keep moving forward.
About Jessica
Jess is a mom to two special boys. Noah was born at 23 weeks gestation due to an incompetent cervix and lived for 17 hours. Jonah came along one year later and is currently 5 months old.
Jessica has found solace and healing with the loss mom community online and by sharing her story. She lives in the Midwest, loves Disney and medical drama tv shows. While Jessica has been sharing Noah’s story on social media since his passing in October 2019, she just started her Instagram account @his_name_is_noah to continue connecting with other loss moms and contributing to end the stigma of pregnancy and infant loss.
