By Hannah Jackson-McCamley, whose dad died when she was 24
See the diagnosis as an opportunity. Dad and I didn’t always see eye to eye but the limited time we had emphasised the need to try to understand each other better. If he had been healthy, this wouldn’t have happened. We would have taken for granted that there would always be another day.
Care for the carer. Mum looked after Dad tirelessly. She wouldn’t have it any other way. But sometimes she needed to be told to take a break and be supported. It was also important for her to have outlets for herself that had nothing to do with Dad or cancer.
Don’t beat yourself up if grief kicks in long before they die and death comes as a relief. From diagnosis to death, the whole family was on a rollercoaster and seeing Dad deteriorate was heartbreaking and shocking. We started to grieve what could have been and what will never be.
Maintain a sense of humour. From Dad being put in a cupboard by the hospital because he wasn’t one of “their” patients to my tights falling down at his funeral - life, death and all that’s in-between is absurd and sometimes you can only laugh.
Death is not the end. We have small rituals for him like drinking his favourite wine on his birthday and when I do things Dad would’ve liked, such as going to jazz gigs or wearing Chelsea boots, I recognise his presence. Take them with you in your life but do not be held back by their death.
About Hannah Jackson-Mccamley
Hannah’s father died at her home on Boxing Day 2007 when she was 24. After a varied career in advertising and fashion as well as an involvement with Crisis and St Mungo’s, she became a funeral celebrant in 2018 following the death of her father-in-law. Her experience and love of music and literature informs her work. Hannah hosts the Chiswick Death Cafe and lives in West London with her husband and dog.
You can follow Hannah on Facebook and Instagram.
www.hannahthecelebrant.com
