By Adele Chaplin, who works as a humanist celebrant
1. It’s ok to grieve
Funerals are different in lockdown, but they are still possible. You can still celebrate the life of your loved one however you see fit. Remember that funerals are as much for the living as the dead.
While there are restrictions on various funeral elements (and these vary around the country, but your funeral director can help explain them), there are other options available that you may not have considered.
You can still have a traditional ceremony, albeit with a restricted number of mourners, however if you think you would rather do things differently, then consider holding a memorial or a celebration of life once the lockdown restrictions are lifted. That way, friends, family and loved one can come together to celebrate the life, and you don’t have the constraint of a time limited crematorium or chapel service.
2. Technology can help
Nowadays there is a range of technology options that mean that people can attend a funeral without being in the room. These have actually been available for several years, but they tend to be a less well used option. With the arrival of social distancing however, many people are turning to these options to help share the funeral ceremony with others.
Many crematoria have the option to record or live stream ceremonies, generally run through the music software system. If your local venue does not offer this, there are a range of businesses around the country who specialise in recording and live streaming ceremonies and who will be happy to help.
Many venues will also be able to offer the option to play a recording of a friend or a loved one speaking, either as an audio file or as a video. This might be a nice option if you have someone who would like to play a part in the ceremony but isn’t able to due to distance or social isolation.
3. Trust your team
Everyone, from the Funeral Director to the Celebrant, the Arranger to the Chapel Attendant wants you to have the ceremony you need to celebrate your loved one. Never feel afraid that asking for anything is inappropriate. Your team has a whole raft of contacts and experience that they can fall back on, there will rarely be a situation that they’ve not come across before. Don’t be embarrassed to ask, they will be more than happy to help you.
4. Understand your options
Even though you may have to have a less than ideal ceremony, there are still options to help you personalise it to your loved one. The most appropriate thing in a funeral is that you celebrate your loved one the way they would have wanted. If that means we’re all going to attend wearing pink tutus, or that we’re going to play Anarchy in the UK, then that’s fine. Tell your team what you want from the service and they will work their hardest to deliver that for you. Your team will have a network of contacts and ideas, so talk through your thoughts with them. There is a whole array of personalisation options for ceremonies nowadays, from individual hearses to customised coffins, from live music performance to conducting all or part of the ceremony yourself. Your team will work hard to make sure it is all possible.
5. Keep an open mind and be flexible
Things can change quickly at the moment, so try and be ready to compromise. No-one wants to have to change the details of your ceremony, but if you can be flexible it can help enormously. Your team understands how very traumatic these lockdown funerals can be, and we absolutely want to make them as easy and hassle free as possible for you. Unfortunately, sometimes matters are taken out of our hands and we need to change things – whether that’s the number of mourners allowed to attend, the flowers that can be ordered, or whether or not you can have bearers. We will try our hardest to minimise these changes, but sometimes they are inevitable.
Remember, there will always be an option to hold a memorial or celebration of life at a later time, and when that gets organised you can make sure it is perfect.
About Adele Chaplin
Adele is an experienced Humanist funeral celebrant working in the East of England and throughout the UK. Originally a Web Site Designer for clients such as the BBC and The National Archives, Adele re-trained as a celebrant after taking a break from work to raise her son. She is the facilitator of the Ipswich and Felixstowe Death Cafes and lives in Ipswich with her husband Colin and their 10 year old son.
You can find Adele on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
www.humanist.org.uk/adelechaplin
