There is no “right way to grieve”. Everyone grieves in a different way. Some people cry, some people organise, some people find comfort in supporting other grieving relatives or friends, some people retreat, some people have a complete change of outlook on life. There’s no correct way, as long as it’s constructive and healthy, everyone needs to process their grief in their own way.
Different people require different support whilst grieving. Some clients want a hug, some want structure or direction, some want time, some want to feel in control, some want their hand held. Administering someone’s estate is just one element of my job, and supporting the family in the way they want to be supported is by far the most important consideration.
Being prepared and having your affairs in order really does make a difference for those left behind. Some people have the mentality of “I won’t be here anyway” – but from my experience, families often struggle mentally and emotionally more than necessary because they didn’t know what their loved one wanted. It just shows the importance of writing down your funeral plan and Will. It’s heart-breaking to experience arguments amongst family or friends if they believe or interpreted someone’s wishes differently and it hasn’t been written down.
Death has a beautiful way of bringing people together, but also sometimes a devastating way of driving people apart. I have been involved in estate administrations where estranged relatives are brought back together and rebuild a relationship through grief, but equally those who have struggled with their grief to the point where relationships are fractured. The effects of grief are never straightforward or predictable.
There is no set time for the grieving process to end (or even begin!). There is no timer which starts when someone passes away – people’s grief can be immediate and reactive, but it can also be delayed, and they remain in an element of shock. Equally, people can grieve for a limited time, sporadically or indefinitely. Everyone is different and every person’s way of coping should be respected.
About Abi Bird
”My name is Abi Bird, I’m a private client lawyer and the Head of the Legacy department at Laurus, a London law firm. I’ve been working in the legal industry for almost a decade, with my main motivation being to assist people at what can be one of the most difficult times in their life. Alongside my work, I also run the Ask Lawyer Abi Instagram page, where I hope to break down some of the stigma I encounter around end of life planning and grief, by trying to make the subject more approachable and accessible.”
You can follow Abi on Instagram, @asklawyerabi and contact her via Laurus Law.
