Bella is not my real name. Sadly due to the lack of awareness and support around infertility it creates a lonely fearful path with a pinch of shame. It shouldn’t.

I’m also ironically not brave, no one dealing with infertility is, it’s never a choice!

For seven years we tried to conceive after our 12 week surgically managed miscarriage. This involved a cardiac arrest during tube removal, seven full IVF cycles with sedated transfers due to cervix damage.

A cancelled IVF cycle due to the loss of five loved family members in the short space of eight months: my dad, nan, uncle, great aunty and our cat. Grief is unpredictable.

1. It’s hard to realise people mean well as they don't understand. Sex education only teaches us how not to get pregnant, If only I was made aware of egg freezing before 30. A simple I’m sorry or acknowledgment of their loss will mean so much more than any advice.

2. When you have a miscarriage or failed IVF cycle, the grief is similar to losing a loved one. Your hopes, dreams and future with them are gone forever but and you can’t imagine how you’ll cope not having them in your life.

3. You'll soon discover your support bubbles, those that truly care about you in your bad times, not just the good. Sadly it’s not always who you think it will be.

Choose wisely who to share details with, one-sided cheerleaders don't tend to change. Thankfully there are some great online support networks out there.

4. Some postcodes have little or no IVF funding, often leaving people relying solely on hope, luck and money to support their disease.

Once diagnosed there’s no easy option out as no one “gives up”. All future paths take strength and determination.

5. An unknown future is scary. Taking one day at a time is fine, no one runs before they can walk. Take it easy and plan within your new current limitations.

You will feel your life is on hold. Try to use this time to focus on an affordable hobby, new skill, exercise or time in nature, whatever brings you some joy or relaxation for now.

You can follow Bella on Instagram, @brave_bella

Five Things is a collection of the five things our collaborators want you to know about life, death and everything in between. Over the next few months, we’ll be covering illness, dying, death, funerals, grief, heartache, adversity and many other topics. If you’d like to write your own Five Things, please get in touch.