By Isabella, whose dad died from COVID-19 in January 2021
1. It’s ok to be an emotional wreck and heightened anxiety is completely normal
In the earlier days, I experienced uncontrollable feelings of sadness and couldn’t stop crying. There have been days where I have felt so drained from my dad’s traumatic premature death that I just didn’t want to do other things and pretend I’m ok around others who had never gone through my experience. My most prominent thoughts were processing the fact that my dad is never going to see me buy my first house, see me get married or have children, this really hit me and will take time to come to terms with.
2. People assume that once the funeral is over, then that’s it
For me, I was in a state of shock for the first two weeks after my dad’s death (I only realised this recently). I took a role in planning his funeral, organising the order of service, making memory candles for him and even assisting with his estate and the probate process in the lead up to his funeral. Then once the funeral was over, that was when it hit me most, there was nothing left to do for him and this is when the beginning of the grieving process really kicked in for me. People around you often forget to check in after the funeral and assume things go back to how they were which will never be the case.
3. What ifs are draining and a waste of time, my dad is not coming back
For a while, I spent ages asking what ifs, what if we rang the ambulance sooner? What if my dad didn’t work in a supermarket? What if he took better care of his diabetes? Because my dad’s death was prompted by COVID, it was a real struggle to get my head around as there were so many questions I was asking about what could have been different. The above were a few that kept going around in my head, most importantly my dad being diabetic type 2 which could have been reversed with better lifestyle and diet. It angered me that he didn’t take better care of himself and it’s come to this. I spent ages overthinking these what ifs but soon realised how draining it is as he’s not coming back. All I can take and learn from this is that if you do not have your health then you truly do have nothing.
4. My view and perception on life has changed as I adjust to the new ‘normal’
Life is too short. I find now that it’s extremely comforting (in the nicest way possible) to be around others who have experienced the loss of a parent at a young age, the connection is supportive as it can be lonely losing a parent at such a young age. I’ve found that I haven’t got time for small talk and that I am drawn to those deeper, more compelling conversations. These experiences make you realise what really matters and to me that’s my family and doing my dad proud. Minor complaining has completely disappeared and hearing others moan about such small problems really winds me up. I overheard someone say “My mum keeps ringing me, it’s so annoying.” This really irked me.
5. Exercise really does help (once you get out there and always do it in your own time)
I used to run and swim regularly but with lockdown, swimming was out of the picture. A few weeks after my dad’s death, a few people suggested running again as I hadn’t done it until two days before my dad’s passing. At the time, running on my own was unbearable but with the help of a good friend, we did a few runs a week pushing each other. Before a run, I was never up for it, but after a run, I feel much more motivated and in fact comforted because whenever I wanted to stop up the steep hills, I think of my dad in my head pushing me as he used to be a long distance runner which really does comfort me. I find exercise a great way to manage headspace as it allows your mind to wander. If you are going to start, never become obsessed with time or speed, just get out there and find what works for you and you’ll learn how good it feels afterwards.
About Isabella Allan
”My name is Bella and I lost my amazing dad to COVID-19 on 30th January 2021. My dad’s name was Bob and he was admitted to hospital a few weeks prior in relation to his diabetes whilst having Covid at the time. My dad’s Covid battle gradually got worse as he was moved through different support level wards before finally being admitted to ICU in an induced coma. My dad was in ICU for 12 days and was actually showing small steps in the right direction so we were so shocked and saddened on the Saturday where we all had to rush up there in full PPE to say our final goodbyes as his organs packed up and he just couldn’t fight the battle anymore. Not only was my dad a fighter but he was a resilient, hard working and good-hearted man who will be missed dearly by all those who love him. It has been so comforting to receive letters from customers at his place of work who loved him and have cried, he really did have such a positive and cheery impact on everyone he met. I will always carry his morals and work ethic with me. More importantly, I will do you proud Dad.”
You can follow Isabella on Instagram, @bellaallan
www.justgiving.com/fundraising/remembering-bob-allan
