By Becky Mooney, whose dad died in a tragic incident in his garden
Last August, my dad unknowingly disturbed a wasp nest while in his own garden, was stung dozens of times in the head and neck, went into severe anaphylactic shock and died age 63. He had been stung before but never suffered an allergic reaction before. He was otherwise healthy and full of youth.
There’s nothing quite like being surrounded by the people who knew your loved one. Embrace the funeral and the following times with these people as a celebration of your loved one’s life, and find comfort in the stories, hugs and support of those who knew your loved one over the course of their life.
People will really surprise you, both the lovely thoughtfulness and the silence. Accept the support of your friends and those who reach out who you maybe did not know so well before. The cooked meals, taking kids home from school, the shoulders to cry on. And don’t be disappointed by those who just don’t know what to say or do, it is hard to fully comprehend and empathise with this position until you find yourself in it. For me, seeing both sides of how others have responded has made me even more grateful to have been raised in such a loving, empathetic way.
Losing someone in tragic circumstances is earth-shattering. There is no preparation, the floor is taken out from under you. You’re grieving for your loved one and for the future that has been rewritten which they are no longer a part of, and also reliving the trauma of what happened. Keep your loved one alive. The music, the stories, the memories. Speak to them and about them often and find solace and comfort in the reminders that may appear after they have gone.
Don’t live in fear, and seek help for anything causing worry or anxiety so you can begin to embrace life again when you are ready. I was very worried to be outside in case I or any of my loved ones were stung by a wasp. I thought I’d never want to be outside a five-mile radius of my home, and I am still learning to live with that. My husband helped me to realise my dad died after innocently stepping out in his own back garden. None of us know when our time is up. You only live once and life is for living, our loved ones would want us to be happy.
And last, once someone you love is gone, the most important things you will have left of them are the people who knew your loved one and the experiences you shared. I have always tried to live my life for the relationships and the memories, and love, health & happiness, it’s even more important to me now. Down the line, it will be all we have.
