By G, whose partner in an unlabelled relationship died unexpectedly in 2020
It's okay to use words to describe our relationship that we didn't settle on when you were alive. The struggle to settle on a definition impedes the process of expressing my grief. I owe no one an explanation, and my words about how I describe us are mine alone now that you're gone.
Other people I'm seeing might not want to hear about you. My world has stopped without you, but the rest of it keeps turning. There are so many people who love you as much as I do and they are who I can save my words for. That's okay.
Instead of being angry that others have known you as deeply, playfully, and intimately as I have, I can rejoice in the fact that your love has ended up right where it should be - with everyone who had the pleasure of catching your eye.
I know we did right by each other in the end because I feel I'm mourning a partner and a friend all at once. Our relationship cycled through different meanings, and I miss every single thing we ever were for each other.
There is no past tense of the word love. 'Til death do us part is a lie. You aren't here anymore, but I am and I love you just as deeply as when you breathed.
About G
When J came back to the city in November, she moved in with me and became my partner in an open and unlabelled relationship. The words we used to describe our relationship changed often, but we never lost our love for each other. J died unexpectedly on April 28th, 2020. You can follow him on Instagram, @bootswearinfairy.
