By Brandie, whose sister was murdered in a night club in Los Angeles in 2020
1. No day is the same
One day I could wake up, motivated, feeling ready to achieve so much. I’d pray, asking God to carry me through the day and allow me to feel Iman around me.
I’d have a pleasant day, get things done, smile laugh and think about Iman with nothing but smiles attached. The next morning the hurt meets me at my bedside. I try to avoid her pictures which causes guilt to step in adding to every negative feeling that I’ve carried since the doctor told me she couldn’t save my sister. I’ve learned that no day since January 19 2020 would ever be the same.
2. Time doesn’t make it better
January 19th 2021 was a year since someone so cruel and hateful took our Iman from us. It all still feels so fresh. I sometimes find myself including her in the headcount, or an urge to call her for her opinion. They say time heals all wounds forgetting that some wounds heal but require artificial devices to carry you for the rest of your life. That’s how I feel, still very sensitive, fragile and in pain, moving along making myself believe I am ok, that I’m better now when in reality it’s those “fake” self-talks that I force myself to believe in order to stay sane and survive.
3. To love without limits or conditions
My sister is 10 years younger than me so I never felt the need to do everything with her or spend my birthdays with her, take trips etc. because I just knew we had forever to do so much more. We planned to take trips, go to Atlanta, Cabo, New Orleans in 2020 not ever thinking her life would be taken at the start of the year. Losing her taught me to live in the moment. Don’t wait for occasions to make memories. Her absence taught me to love on the people GOD chooses for me no matter the difference in age, no matter the different social circles. Siblings are the greatest friends to have, appreciate the blessing of having them and make time to grow together.
4. That we needed more time
I always assumed being there whenever Iman needed me was enough to show my love and loyalty towards her, making sure as long as she knew her sister was there I was doing my job. I allowed her to make her mistakes without drilling her too much because we all needed to make mistakes to learn how to survive this world. I knew as she got older I’d be able to expose her to different things, to learn from her the things I missed out on. Naturally, I assumed things were great in each other’s lives and in time will only keep getting better. I needed more time, she needed more time.
5. The pain does not go away, you find ways to live with it
You never actually stop hurting. One specific thought or memory could unveil every harsh reality you’ve fought to suppress could, and open up every wound you thought you healed. For me those moments remind me that yes I’m hurt, I’ll always miss her, want her back and will never let her loss go but more importantly it reminds me of how much she loves me and I will never stop loving her.
About Brandie Venerable
On January 19 2020, my sister Iman Naomi Wright was stabbed through her heart in a Los Angeles nightclub called The Catch, a go-to party scene for the LGBTQ community and friends, by a woman older than her who was also dating my sister’s girlfriend. Iman was only 23 and barely beginning to unveil her most beautiful attributes. Not only did my family lose our golden child but my sister lost her future. She had plans to begin nursing school and had recently picked up a new trade of cutting hair to provide for her self while in school. She wanted children and would have been a damn good mom as she is a terrific aunt to 12 nieces and nephews who all looked up to and admired her. These kids would beam with joy listening to every word she spoke. It hurts. It’s heavy and I’m unsure how we have gotten through year one so fast for it all seems like only last night that we wore awaken from our rooms rushing to the hospital faithful that she was okay.
I don’t know if my Five Things will help anyone but I try to hold on to the value in the memories my only sister left me with. One day at a time, a prayer in advance, and family is my survival kit these days.
@longliveimannaomiwright
@wright.ave_
