Suicide bereavement is shocking, bewildering and wholly traumatic. From the police knocking on the door to bluntly inform me of my 17-year-old son’s death, the awful phone calls to his siblings to break the news and the ripple effect throughout our community. Suicide loss is complex, multi-layered and leaves so many questions that we will never know the answers to.
Varicose vein bleeds can cause death and they require an inquest. My mum bled to death four months after my son’s death. Again the police came to our door with the news. A coroner’s inquest is looming due to this rare cause of death. It was shocking that she suffered this traumatic death just hours after we had chatted on the phone. The plumber found her in the kitchen in the morning. Her evening meal dishes in the sink, awaiting washing and suspended in time.
You can have a good death in a hospital. After my dad suffered a stroke on Mother’s Day 2021, he developed bronchopneumonia. Covid restrictions were lifted and we mounted a bedside vigil. We talked to him, shared precious memories, played music he liked and ensured someone was always at his side. He died holding my brother’s hand, we had all said our goodbyes and commended a well-lived, fruitful life.
Multiple losses in a short space of time leaves a traumatic impact. Now each unexpected phone call or knock on the door provokes anxiety that more bad news is arriving. We even greet good news with suspicion and fear. I now cannot spontaneously ring my children as they think I am about to break news of another loss. We eye each pet with suspicion when they show any signs of illness. I think this will continue for some time.
So many losses can change your outlook on life. We know how life can change in the blink of an eye. We want to live life to the full, not put off life decisions. Babies, marriages, house moves, career changes and retirement are underfoot. Some might have happened anyway but the multiple losses in seven months have shown we have to make every moment count.
About Suzanne Howes
”Hi, I am Suzanne Howes. I founded Coaching After Loss after the death of my son from suicide in September 2020. My background is as a nurse and in NHS development roles. I now combine my compassionate coaching skills to support people to move forward after loss, finding meaning and purpose in their lives.
I am also a campaigner for improved models of crisis mental health support for adolescents.”
You can follow Suzanne on Twitter and Instagram
www.coachingafterloss.com
