By Meggan Edmeades Clinch, whose father passed away from an aortic rupture in 2017
1. Grief is not only emotionally and mentally painful but also physically
Ever since I lost my dad I’ve felt like there’s been a tight grasp around my heart. More often than not I feel in pain despite the fact I’m healthy. I never expected grief to be so physically painful that my body would actually ache every day.
2. People you held dear in your friendship circle now avoid the subject, and you
Don’t have expectations of people. A lot of people haven’t dealt with grief at my age or know how to approach it and so those able to talk about it or truly ask if you’re okay are often few and far between. Instead, you actually find comfort from those you hadn’t considered, like a work colleague in your position or a caring comment from a stranger on the internet.
3. You will never be prepared
No matter how many films you watch or books you read that feature death, it can never prepare you for the actual event. There is no right or wrong when it comes to grief and you just have to let whatever you feel take over for a bit – one minute I can be laughing hysterically and the next I’m getting upset because I’ve just seen the same make of car my dad used to drive.
4. I still can’t say the “D” word
When people say it or use it in reference to my dad, I shudder. I really dislike it. I think it sounds too aggressive and too final, and although I know it is final and it’s the term used to describe it, I prefer to say “passed away”. It sounds nicer, doesn’t it? It sounds peaceful. And I’d hate to think that my dad was anything but peaceful when he passed away.
5. Grief changes you permanently
I’m not the same, I never will be. I look the same and I act the same but there’s something different about me, something that I lost that day and will never be able to get back. Some people understand that and some people don’t, hence my second point. I get tired very quickly, I don’t like talking much and I prefer to stay at home and be surrounded by my dad’s things and our memories. To those reading, try to remember that’s okay - no one should tell you otherwise.
About Meggan Edmeades Clinch
”I’m Meggan and I’m 29 years old. I was 27 years old when my father, Jeff, passed away in 2017, 24 days after my birthday.
My dad was funny, creative, smart, talented, caring and lovely and his sudden passing has left a giant, unfillable hole in my life. In order to process and share my grief as a way of healing I recently started the Instagram account @the_grief_the_bad_and_the_ugly. It doesn’t make it easier but I love talking about him and speaking with others.
As I said in my eulogy at his funeral: ‘He is my best friend. Yesterday, today and tomorrow.’”
