By Jacqui Oxlade, whose only daughter was killed in a road traffic collision
1. Grief is not like it is in the movies. It's not pretty crying with a moving soundtrack playing in the background. It's crying with lots of snot in the middle of the supermarket aisle because you saw a bag of Doritos and they reminded you of her.
2. The feelings are anything but linear. They are mixed up and out of control. The worst thing is the guilt that sets in when you find yourself laughing and that brief moment of peace or happiness suddenly becomes horrifically painful.
3. As much as I love words, there are some unbelievable and unbearable feelings, that I just don't have adequate words to explain. The pain and searing grief of a parent losing their child is one of those things. No words will EVER be enough.
4. No-one knows what to say or do to help a grieving mother. They will try desperately to say and do the RIGHT thing but they WILL say and do the WRONG thing. Or they will say and do NOTHING for fear of saying and doing the wrong thing.
We have to forgive them. They don't know and we hope they will never have to know.
5. Photos are powerful and important. Text messages, voicemails, and videos are even more so. Treasure them. But I now know that even with all of those things at my disposal and all the memories in my head, the hardest thing is creating new memories without her by my side. There is, forever, a huge gaping hole in my life and my heart, that can never be filled.
About Jacqui Oxlade
Jacqui lived in Kent with her husband and daughter Becca, who was born 10 days before Jacqui’s 19th birthday. Becca chose to go to Bangor for University as Wales was her happy place. She met her girlfriend and two years down the line they came back home to celebrate Christmas and Becca's birthday, which was on Christmas eve. The family had a great few days before Becca and her girlfriend headed back to Wales to get back to work and complete the purchase of their first home.
On 17th January, Becca was killed in a road traffic collision on her way to work in bad weather. Her car had slipped on the road but she’d managed to get to the side of the road. She was killed by another driver as she tried to get to the safety barriers.
You can connect with Jacqui on Instagram.
