As a rule of thumb, it’s good to know, probably just don’t ever offer unsolicited advice to humans. If you do not hear a YES, you do NOT have CONSENT. This includes folks’ diagnoses with cancer or anyone whose loved one was diagnosed with cancer. If you have insight to some great alternatives or suggestions for nutrition, care, healthcare providers, FIRST ASK if the recipient is OPEN to hearing suggestions. Give them a chance to tell you YAY or NAY before you shove your unwelcome shit down their throats.

2. It is inconsiderate as fuck to put responsibility on anyone with cancer to be the one to make any effort initiating in your relationship. Breathing is fucking hard enough. Pick up a phone, text, call, reach out, and don’t take it personally that you aren’t top of the priority list. Whether one is in survival mode or thriving in remission, consider that you might have more energy in your life than they do to, at least, bare minimum, initiate effort. You can trust they will when they can.

3. Consider the unconsidered
Hosts are not their cancer, nor are they particularly thrilled about their uninvited guests overstaying their welcome and consuming without permission, so remember to separate the two, host from unwelcome guest, consider the human as their entire vessel is being trespassed upon.

4. Observe and assist
Do not rely on cancer patients to direct you on how you can be of service to them in their time of need. It requires more energy to delegate than is available to them at the time, so communicate what strengths you have, how you can be of service, and make yourself available to assist, and follow through.

5. Honor time
We are never promised tomorrow, no matter who we are. But if you are someone or know someone who has cancer, chances are you or they are hyperaware of time. How time is spent, how to make the most of the times one feels well, and who makes time for you or them. Presence matters more than promises. If you love someone with cancer, and you speak an intention, uphold the intention, refrain from excuses. Wanting to be there and actually being there are two different things. One requires absence, the other requires presence, and when it comes to borrowed time, presence matters most.

About Chantal King
Chantal, the Grief Ambassador, is the creator as well as the designer, writer, speaker, grief advocate, and space holder of Grieve Me Alone. Chantal is the main voice on the Grieve Me Alone podcast which features radically honest thoughts, feelings, and stories involving grief. Chantal is also the creative mind behind the writing and designs of one of the most unique grief-related merchandise lines on the market today. From her journey of loss to yours, Chantal puts lots of love and energy into each design and hopes that together we can change the world’s perceptions of, and relationship with, grief.
Chantal is currently working on her second book (which is expected to be released in the summer of 2020) and is in the process of expanding Grieve Me Alone to include retreats, events, care packages, and whatever else tickles her griefy fancy.
www.grievemealone.com
You can follow Chantal on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook - @grievemealone

Five Things is a collection of the five things our collaborators want you to know about life, death and everything in between. Over the next few months, we’ll be covering illness, dying, death, funerals, grief, heartache, adversity and many other topics. If you’d like to write your own Five Things, please get in touch.